Troy (IMDB) (Netflix)
Brad Pitt is Achilles the warrior, Orlando Bloom is Paris the callow loverboy, and Diane Kruger is Helen, the face that launched a thousand CGI server farms. With Peter O'Toole as King Priam and Eric Bana as his other son Hector, one of the few characters that come off well in this story of beefcake and senseless tragedy.

As with most tragic tales, especially mythic ones, the characters make any number of bad choices, some of which challenge the viewer's credulity and make it difficult to go along with the program, and the one-on-one fight scenes are more compelling than the major battles. As mentioned, most of the characters lose your respect as the film progresses (Achilles is mostly looking out for his own glory), but Bana's Hector is the true mensch, taking the hard road at every turn. He should have had a better publicist.

Van Helsing (IMDB) (Netflix)
Hugh Jackman is a 19th century 007 working for an inter-denominational religious group fighting evil, which includes Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde, werewolves, flying witches and of course, Count Dracula. Wasn't there an Abbott & Costello episode like this? Joining Hugh is unrecognizable Kate Beckinsale, her usual sunny goddess-next-door persona traded in for an Eastern European accent, Transylvania chic leather corset and proto-Spandex.

The theme of this picture seems to be more — more monsters, more special effects, more action, more time — giving it a sequel's I-must-have-missed-the-first-one feel. As with most sequels, more is less, so you're left somewhat drained by the experience rather than energized. The comic relief provided by The Friar is a bright spot, but maybe not enough to make this work for anyone over 30.

I'm Not Scared (IMDB) (Netflix)
The golden fields of 1978 Sicily seem an idyllic place for a 10-year-old boy to grow up, and they are, at least until he makes a series of discoveries that test his courage and ultimately, his morality. It's difficult to say more without spoiling the first surprise, so I'll just say that it's been nominated for a slew of European film awards, and won several.

This is a good story told simply, with little hyping from music cues or anguished close-ups. The photography and even the film stock seems to come from that period, giving it the feel of an instant classic. On that score, time will tell, but this was pretty engrossing cinema. Calling it a thriller might be stretching things--it's fairly easy to get a few minutes ahead of the story in key places--it's more of a boy's struggle to do the right thing when the world around him has forgotten how.

Shaolin Soccer (IMDB) (Netflix)
A soccer squad called "Team Evil" is just begging to be taken down, and it's going to take a rag-tag band of brothers to come together, win the big prize and get the girl. They've never played the sport before, and their coach is a cripple who's been cast off by the slimy team owner, but they have their Shaolin Kung Fu skills to serve as their superpowers. Think Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon meets The Magnificent Seven meets Stripes.

This is a lot of fun (and if I had forgotten for even a moment, there was a woman sitting a few rows back whose cackle constantly reminded me). It's not high art, and the acting has that distinctive martial arts film lack of subtlety, but its good-natured sensibility and heart are irresistible. Rated PG, so youngsters can take their first crack at reading sub-titles.

Man on Fire (IMDB) (Netflix)
This revenge flick follows The Punisher and Kill Bill, Vol. 2 in a harmonic genre convergence, but unlike "Bill", isn't pressure-treated with references to a few dozen other movies and genres, so you won't see this at the local snob-o-plex. Denzel Washington is a former counter-insurgency operative/assassin who's circling the emotional drain and has taken up housekeeping with a bottomless bottle of Jack Daniels. Christopher Walken, a former brother in arms, gets him a mercy gig as a bodyguard in Mexico City, where there's been a spate of kidnappings. His charge is a precocious Dakota Fanning, who can't be more than 10, but it's the most fulfilling relationship he's had in years. Of course, the inevitable happens, and Denzel goes after the bad guys, which span petty hoods to corrupt cops to — well, that's enough to get the concept.

Director Tony Scott is a master of the visual; every frame has something extra, and it's cut like a commercial. For a 2-1/2 hour movie, that's a lot of editing. I enjoyed the interplay between Denzel and Dakota, who is a force of acting nature, and while the story is amply stocked with typical revenge/redemption flick elements (the drinking, the trip to the gun superstore), they were presented in a fresh and stylish way that climbed beyond the cliché zone apparently occupied by The Punisher, but didn't match Kill Bill's artistry.

Kill Bill, Vol. 2 (IMDB) (Netflix)
Quentin Tarantino's second installment of the revenge/action/comedy. This isn't a sequel, but a planned continuation of the Volume 1 that was shot at the same time. Uma Thurman didn't kill Bill (David Carradine) in the first movie, but is determined to succeed this go-around. First, though, she has to get through "Sidewinder" (Michael Madsen) and "California Mountain Snake" (Darryl Hannah), former colleagues who killed her fiance, friends and unborn child and left her in a coma.

This movie has less action (who could top the orgy of violence in the first one?) but more heart, and it's still packed with movie references that will best the most avid movie-goer (I might have gotten 10% of them). But unlike Starsky & Hutch (below), this movie can stand on its own merits and if it weren't so violent, be a commercial for female empowerment. Uma maintains her winning persona, and David Carradine talks more here than in his first season on Kung Fu, but has comedic gravitas to spare. The third act accomplishes both two goals for a successful ending, that it be both surprising and satisfying, and it adds a dimension not often seen in a Tarantino film.

Starsky & Hutch (IMDB) (Netflix)
Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson send up the 70s TV series about two police detectives and their bellbottom jeans, with Snoop Dogg as Huggy Bear and Vince Vaughn as a Jewish gangster (it's nice when a group of people can break into areas previously denied them).

It seemed to work for a broad range of the audience, but less so for me. While the movie version of Dragnet had the TV show's deadpan tone to play off of, S&H was already a bit jokey, and the characters fairly likeable, forcing the movie to head into farcical territory that's not particularly inventive, and without much insightful commentary. But mainly it's because I didn't watch much of the TV version, and see most of 70s fashion as an embarrassment to run from rather than to parody. For fans of home version, but it's still 6 to 5 and pick 'em.

The Alamo (IMDB) (Netflix)
They gave away the ending right at the beginning of the film--what's with these people? OK, so we (and particularly Texans) know all about what happened at the Alamo from the history books and the dozen or so Alamo films that have been made. This one has a huge set and Billy Bob Thornton leading a cast of Dennis Quaid, Jason Patric and the hordes of Santa Anna's army, and claims to be the most historically accurate.

I'm not sure that devotion to detail was much help. Reality is rarely as good as the legend, and the actors seem to be so freighted with the desire to respect the history and their real-life characters that they become archetypes, not flesh-and-blood people. There's actually not that much action (Santa Anna was trying to suck in more American reinforcements to get the most out of his intended massacre), and few of the pre-battle scenes, where everybody is coming to grips with their impending demise, don't hit nearly as hard as you would think. Visually, there's exactly one shot that's actually stirring, and it lasts about three seconds. Thornton has gotten some kudos for his performance as Davy Crockett, but to me it's just Billy Bob being affable; I liked Patric's Jim Bowie a mite more. It's not a disaster, but certainly a missed opportunity.

Hellboy (IMDB) (Netflix)
The trailer was strong: lots of action, snappy dialog and an improbable hero in the form of Hellboy, a large red man with chopped-off horns growing out of his forehead.

Ron Perlman is the big ugly guy and he's got a crush on Selma Blair, who likes to burst into flames (Hellboy is conveniently flame-retardent). They, the FBI and an Aqua Man retread collaborate to fight an odd assemblage of evil-doers that are a mix of Nazis warmed over from 1944, Rasputin ("I'm still not dead") and scary monsters of unknown origin.

It's a confusing stew of ideas and characters that rarely gets off the ground, and that's usually when Hellboy is being jealous of Blair or cheeky with everyone else. Unfortunately for this save-the-world pic, there's little sense of mortal danger, generating mostly an "evil, schmeevil" indifference in the viewers, one of whom said, "well, that's one DVD I won't have to buy."

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (IMDB) (Netflix)
The idea that inspired this movie came from a French conceptual artist. Uh oh. Fortunately, it was turned into a screenplay by Charlie Kaufman (Adaptation, Being John Malcovich, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind), who, if not script-for-script the best screenwriter around, is easily the most inventive. Here, Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet are lovers who quickly learn how to hurt each other, irreparably it seems, and when Carrey tries to fix things, Winslet doesn't even remember him. In real life, we're cursed by poorly functioning Delete keys, particularly when it comes to failed romances, but in Kaufman's world you can do something about it and it might even be covered by your health insurance. Were it only so.

This is complex stuff and you're going to have to pay attention. We're moving back-and-forth in time, and between reality and Carrey's directed dream state, and it's a full thirty minutes before you'll think that you have a handle on this film. Once you do, don't let your guard down, because it's going to get more involved. The intricacies, however, don't get in the way of the emotional resonance that's created as Carrey tries to save the relationship, or at least his memory of it. With important supporting performances by Tom Wilkinson, Kirsten Dunst, Mark Ruffalo and Elijah Wood. For elastic minds.

The Lady Killers (IMDB) (Netflix)
A remake of the 1955 Alec Guiness and Peter Sellers version, with re-writing and direction from the Coen brothers and a cast led by Tom Hanks as Professor G.H. Dorr, Ph.D. and minor criminal mastermind who's spent too much time with his Thesaurus. Irma P. Hall is the naive-yet-formidable lady who may or may not get killed. Hanks and his coterie of petty criminals use Hall's cellar as their base camp for robbing a riverfront casino, but because everyone is pretty much a first class screw-up, very little goes according to plan. Hence the funny.

Those who've seen the many trailers for the movie know that Hanks was given the green light to make his performance as colorful as he liked, and the other actors had equal license, with richly—if broadly—drawn comic characters. The plot couldn't be much simpler—it's sortof an anti-Ocean's Eleven—just enough to let the actors do their thing. The Coens aren't movie makers who work to impress anyone other than themselves, particularly the many critics who weren't bowled over, but the smallish audience in my theater was clearly entertained throughout, as was I. With rousing Gospel music that, like O Brother, Where Art Thou?, will spawn another successful soundtrack.

Secret Window (IMDB) (Netflix)
I went for Johnny Depp, who is always fun to watch, and apparently so did the couple dozen young women that made up most of the audience. Hmmm, must reflect on that. A psychological thriller from Stephen King, with Depp as a writer licking his marital wounds after a painful breakup. A looney John Turturro shows up claiming that Depp has plagiarized one of his stories, and the confrontation gets increasingly out of control. With Maria Bello (The Cooler) as the estranged wife and Timothy Hutton as the guy she took up with.

This is one of those films that starts out promising; Depp talking to himself is more interesting than dialog between just about any two other actors, the camera angles are fresh without being showy, and even Turturro in a Southern accent isn't too jarring. Things get tedious, though, as Depp tries unsuccessfully to calm an ever-angrier and more brazen Turturro, then toward the end, as the big twist is revealed and the climactic scene unfolds, there's a sense of being cheated, or at least let down.

Depp took a big risk with the hugely successful Pirates of the Carribean ("we're going to make a movie based on a theme park ride, whaddya say?"), and might have placed too much faith in his ability to sell this one to the audience.

Spartan (IMDB) (Netflix)
For those whose belief in the villainy of politicians and their handlers is rarely shaken, here's your film. The president's daughter is missing, and Val Kilmer is the just-tell-me-what-to-do operative who tries to find her. While this might seem like a straight-ahead mystery/thriller, this is a David Mamet production, and there's little that's typical here.

Unless you're a Mamet aficionado, of course. Except for Kilmer, casting came directly from Mamet's speed-dial, the dialog is clipped and hard-ass and direction is, well, spartan. The story is by no means predictable, unfolding tantalizingly slowly through the first act, and with an expository spareness that will generate lots of questions among the non-cognoscenti (choose your movie neighbors with care). Kilmer does a nice job of adapting to—or at least overcoming—Mamet's rhythms (not every actor has succeeded) and there's a minor chord of conspiratorial menace and John Carré-like futility that brings depth to the proceedings. To be sure, the plot has a couple of rough spots, and many will find the stripped-down style less absorbing than the usual explosion fest, but this film is for people who listen more closely to the voice that whispers.

Hidalgo (IMDB) (Netflix)
Viggo Mortenson has a new horse to ride, as yet another post-Civil War soldier ravaged by guilt about the treatment of Native Americans, and therefore driven to drink (the Last Samurai had the same backstory for Tom Cruise). At this rate of expiation by cinema, Hollywood might make things right by, say, next month. OK, maybe not.

He finds some sense of purpose in a 3,000 mile race across the searing deserts of what now are Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Syria. Unfortunately the movie seems shot in real time, and that’s a lot of sand to cover. The story lacks pace, and most of its many beats (self-loathing, lack of identity, redemption, forbidden love and women’s lib are just few) are struck ham-handedly and with little impact. Nice surprises are Omar Sharif as the “sheik of sheiks” and father to the tomboy princess who just can’t keep that veil on, and the horse has a few nice “takes.” They go to that well far too often, however, and by the end even the horse seems like he’s mugging for the camera.

This will likely work for the 12 year olds in the house, or adults who want some regression therapy.

The Dreamers (IMDB) (Netflix)
From Bernardo Bertolucci, whose cinematic credentials are pretty much unimpeachable (The Last Emperor, 1900, The Conformist), as is his ability to create controversial films (Last Tango in Paris). It's 1968, in Paris, where the lefties have decided that everyone else is a fascist and challenging social conventions is a moral imperative. An American exchange student (Michael Pitt) meets up with a brother (Louis Garrel) and twin sister (Eva Green), who befriend him, and — before their parents can say "Don't have any wild parties while we're on holiday" — invite him to stay over. Three hormonally flooded teenagers, including siblings who are a bit closer than is decent, and revolution in the air— it's a heady, dangerous mix.

And a polarizing one for the critics, apparently. Put me on the unenchanted side. Green's physical charms are considerable and almost continously on display, and the guys are equally unencumbered throughout the film. Garrel and Green have that special twin thing going, they're precocious, willful teenagers, and on top of that, they're Parisians; it's all a bit much, or at least silly. Maybe that was what Bertolucci was going for (I doubt it), but it doesn't make the characters particularly sympathetic. You'll go for the sex, you'll stay for ... more sex.

My Architect: A Son's Journey (IMDB) (Netflix)
As chaplain during my fraternity days, I had to precede each dinner with a short quote, one of which was "I asked a brick what it wanted to be, and it said 'make me an arch.'" That came from Louis Kahn, the architect. Kahn never really got professional traction until his 50's, didn't build very many buildings, died bankrupt in a men's room at Penn Station, and had three kids by three different women, all while being married to one of them. His son, one of the love children, was Nathaniel, only eleven when his dad died, and who has used this film as an attempt at understanding and possibly reconciling with the man who only occasionally came to dinner.

Lou Kahn is a great subject, all the more so because his compartmentalized life—no one really had the whole picture. And his fellow architects make for great interviews because, lets face it, they're such great bullshit artists (I would have loved to be in the room when I.M. Pei sold the French on that pyramid in front of the Louvre). The film focuses on Kahn and the people who knew their fractions of him, and wisely avoids the critics, who would have turned this into an intellectual exercise. It's the nature of fathers that we often really don't know them until they're gone, when we see them through the stories from their friends, and Nathaniel captures this process with quiet eloquence.

The Triplettes of Belleville (IMDB) (Netflix)
A French animated film comique, featuring a cyclist, his grandma and three sisters who long ago graced the stage, but now know a hundred ways to prepare frogs for dinner and, er, dessert. The young man goes missing and grandma chases after him, encountering the sisters and various nefarious characters.

If scenes of a fat dog climbing into bed with someone result in convulsive laughter (twice), this is your pick of the week. And apparently my theater was full of these folks, which generated waves of self-doubt about my movie judgement and made the whole tedious exercise seem far longer. The humor is nursing-home lame, the frog stuff is slightly disgusting, and every scene is 50% too long. Then again, both the critics and regular folks seem to love this attempted comedy, so maybe you should ask someone else.

Big Fish (IMDB) (Netflix)
Tim Burton's latest, about a tale-telling dad (Albert Finney), who's incessant fish-that-got-away fables have alienated his more just-the-facts-ma'am son (Billy Crudup). Finney is dying, however, and Crudup returns home in a last attempt to figure out who his dad really is. Told through a series of flashbacks, with Ewan McGregor as the younger version, Jessica Lange as the mom, and a cavalcade of the oddball characters that Burton loves so much.

This will be a fuzzy recollection, having viewed this film some weeks ago, but I do know that I was intrigued, entertained and — toward the end — moved by this innovative father-son story. Burton always has affection for those who seem most at home working in the circus, and Finney, Crudup and Lange easily handle the more melodramatic passages. McGregor carries much of the load, however, and does it with charm, responding to each novel situation with mixture of wonder, acceptance and bravado. The standard deviation of the real critics' reactions is surprisingly high, but it's difficult to see what they're complaining about. A charmer.

Girl with a Pearl Earring (IMDB) (Netflix)
A fictional "making of" drama about the famous Vermeer painting, starring Colin Firth as the painter and Scarlett Johansson as the paintee. Scarlett becomes a maid in the Vermeer household, which, other than Firth, is teeming with estrogen—there's the oft-pregnant and cuckholded wife, a girl band's worth of snotty daughters, a bossy housekeeper and a mother-in-law who could intimidate a grizzly bear, but everyone has to suck up to patron Van Ruijven (Tom Wilkinson), who knows how to strike a bargain. Scarlett of course gets caught in the multilateral cross-fire when Vermeer sees that she (in today's vernacular) "gets him" and becomes his silent muse.

And silent she is, uttering no more than a few pages of dialog throughout the film. It's a shaded, physical performance of reactions to everyone attentions, which are a disorienting mix of jealousy, dismissiveness, lechery and mentoring. If there were a category for most sympathetic movie character, Johansson would get it in a walk. Although fictionalized, the story doesn't seem sensationalized, but it does seem to go out of its way to make the household as tense and somber as it can. An engaging little slice of the artistic life and the circumstances that may or may not have contributed to greatness.

The Big Bounce (IMDB) (Netflix)
Owen Wilson is a nice-guy petty thief with an irresistible broken nose, who starts hanging with bad girl Sara Foster, mistress of a rich sleazeball (Gary Sinise). There's a judge (Morgan Freeman) who's got something cooking on the side, and Charlie Sheen is now (finally!) playing character parts. Most of the movie consists of Foster trying to get Wilson to come in on the scam. The latest movie based on a novel by Elmore Leonard, the Philip K. Dick of crime.

This is the most affable crime film in years, which helps, because it's as leisurely as its Hawaiian setting, and constructed like a Tiki hut built by Cub Scouts. Everyone and everything, including the plot, just ambles along, and even the climax onlyraises the pulse by maybe ten points. Wilson's beachcombing hipster persona is on the money, his slightly whiny when-will-the-other-one-drop voice giving him the boyish charm to slide through the rough spots. Unlike Animal House, which just got added to the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress, this won't win any awards, but it's a stress-free 90 minutes of sly humor.